Why JCVD is the MAN
5/18/09: Hurrican Katrina knew who JCVD was.
5/11/09: JCVD has no electrical wiring – he can see perfectly in the dark.
4/27/09: JCVD does not eat food. He is still breast fed.
4/20/09: Because he doesn’t do dishes - when he finishes a meal, he disintegrates his plate with his HeMan power punch.
4/13/09: The government decided that they would pay JCVD his outrageous amount of royalties from his movies once a year, but didn’t have that kind of money - so they decided on April 16th.
4/6/09: JCVD owns a chardonnay winery. His product is considered to be of the highest quality and is so expensive because he only makes a limited amount per annum. In place of where a urinal would be in his bathroom, there are wine bottles.
3/30/09: Batteries are made with many chemicals. The main element is blood from JCVD’s fist.
3/23/09: JCVD has never touched his cheeks to a toilet seat. He does the splits above the bowl and lets his doodie gracefully slide out.
3/9/09: When JCVD jogs, the earth rotates. A typical jog for him is 24 hrs.
3/2/09: JCVD rejected Monica Lewinsky and told her she would have to work her way up to him. So she started with the President.
2/23/09: JCVD’s kick is equivallent to a man being struck by a car at 50mph. During an action scene once, his opponent got too close and actually took a roundhouse kick to the chest. The man flew across the room and hit the pillows of a couch and lived. That is how airbags got invented.
2/16/09: JCVD used to ride a T-Rex to work. Then an ice storm hit and they all died.
2/9/09: JCVD trained his penis to do a roundhouse kick. Three women have died during sex with him.
2/5/09: In 1996, all JCVD movies were officially considered pornography because his movies are like sex to our eyes.
2/2/09: When he turns the lights off in his mansion before he goes to sleep, he does it by doing a spinning roundhouse kick and flicks the light switch with his toe.
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