Remember when you were just a kid, dreaming about being an astronaut, becoming the president of the United States, or holding hands with Jessica Sweeny under the desk? Me too. I remember an assignment in class where we had to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up. Some made drawings as a professional basketball player dunking over Michael Jordan, while others depicted themselves as doctors or the classy Jean Claude Van Damme. It was all so magical at such a distant age – we could point to an occupation and pretend it was real because we had a seemingly infinite amount of time. The conflict surfaces when that pretend becomes reality, when real decisions have to be made.

But the real issue goes deeper than just deciding which drawing you want to step out of. It’s anchored by the timing of your actions and accomplishments. A nine year old with a solid pitching arm may be impressive, but if in high school he still throws the same speed, he’s not so impressive. Similarly, a forty year old that makes his first million through investments is notable, but a twenty year old that makes their first million due to a clever invention or innovative business idea is remarkable and inspiring. We all hope to work towards the accomplishment of that forty year old, but I’ve always wanted to be more impressive than that. The problem is as time goes by, the potential window for these early accomplishments dwindles. What’s considered a remarkable accomplishment at one point simply becomes a normal expectation later on.

I’ve always enjoyed being the youngest in a group for this reason. The older you are, the more others expect of you. Additionally, if you can exceed the expectations of an older participant, then you can be considered extraordinary. This can be applied in a basketball game when you school the bigger, older players or by learning to go to the bathroom in a toilet by the age of four, instead of in your pants like one of my friends – who tends to only do that on the weekends for some reason.

In the end, we have less control over these decisions than we realize. I was forced to take piano lessons as a kid and I hated every minute of it, but I now wish I had continued to play. I would like to speak another language, or two, and could have learned so much more easily at a younger age, but I didn’t embrace the opportunity the way I would today. That’s the ironic part, when you’re young and life is easier (relative to now) there is so much potential, but when you realize what you would have liked to do, it’s almost too late because life is so much more complicated with everyday obligations. I suppose it’s not really until you have accumulated enough experiences though that you really start to know what it is you want. Time goes by fast, but it’s there for you to use as you choose.

It is not too late though. You need to embrace the simple mindset of a child to accomplish these unnecessary, yet desirable accomplishments as an adult. If you want to learn to play the guitar, learn to play one step at a time. It’s so easy to say I want to do something and then forget about it (like that STD test I’ve been meaning to get), but if you really want it, make it simple. So figure out what you need to do and do it, little by little if necessary. I have to go make an appointment now, what do you have to do?

Until the next Kumate…

For your consideration:
If what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, then how does everyone know that being in Vegas is such a good time?

Darwin’s life work was based around the famous evolutionary concept of natural selection, which is summed up as “survival of the fittest”. While most people translate “the fittest” to mean the healthiest, strongest, or most successful, that’s not really accurate. “The fittest” includes the members of a species that can successfully pass their genes to the next generation. If a wealthy businessman that works out regularly, eats well and lives comfortably never has a child, he is deemed less fit, according to Darwin, than the fifteen year old illegal Mexican kid (we don’t know that he’s illegal, but feel it’s fair to assume) that impregnates a girl between classes on a Wednesday – they don’t call it hump day for nothing in his neighborhood. This pivotal concept has been the cornerstone of evolutionary knowledge for the last 170 years and simply existed for 4 billion years before that without our understanding.

As most of you know by now Nadya Suleman, a 33 year-old single mother from Whittier, California had octuplets on January 26th. While the media fights for photo opportunities and interviews, I’m disgusted and disillusioned by the audacity of this woman. This loveless, pathetic woman has taken the infamous stereotypical belief that a woman needs to get knocked up to feel a sense of worth, to the upper most echelon. Apparently her existing six children, that she couldn’t afford or care for, weren’t enough love for her.

While her children will suffer a great deal from the wrath of their irrational inconsiderate mother, taxpayers will join in the concert of victims because of her selfishness. Hospital costs for her eight burdens are believed to be over a million dollars. The hospital has stated it will seek assistance from the state (taxpayers), already with an overwhelming budget gap of $42 billion, to foot the bill. This is just the beginning of long road of government assistance with food stamps, welfare and disability income she will receive for her most likely disabled children. Why should hard working individuals have to pay for this woman’s inconceivable stupidity?

Along with sterilizing her immediately, the state should revoke the license of the fertility doctor, Michael Kamrava, MD, who not only allowed this woman to go through with this, but is also a repeat offender. In 2006 this awkwardly inconsistent Dr. Dildo performed 61 procedures, resulting in 5 pregnancies and only two births. Ironically one of the two successes was the twins of Suleman. This match made in madness is not only an unnecessary drain on taxpayers, but also sets a horrible example for other psychologically unstable women (much of the population) to follow.

While medical advancements, including IVF, are crucial for progress and saving lives, this story proves that in the wrong hands, progress gets ugly. Additionally, this progress is a double-edged sword. While on a personal level the inoculation of diseases, the creation of life from an incapable circumstance and the increase in life span are all desired, from a global perspective these innovations become a strain. Although there is an infamy associated with war, famine and natural disasters, they all serve a biological necessity, population control. Similarly beneficial medical advancements impede the maintenance of appropriate population levels. While we acknowledge that the earth is very large and there are many undeveloped areas, our population has grown at an unimaginable rate. Maybe not this very moment, but at some point, this will be a very serious issue.

This one woman’s action multiplied by even a fraction of the population would be disastrous. Not only would it cause population density to increase, essential resources to diminish and increase the necessity for multilevel driving ranges, it would also knock the world off it’s axis of rotation causing all 6 billion of us to be incredibly inefficient in our daily lives. Immediate regulations need to be implemented to screen desired participants with IVF. It should be a process similar to adoption, and being a single mother with no job, no savings, no common sense and six existing helpless children should be an immediate three strikes against the process from proceeding. Additionally any male doctor that breaks protocol should be forcefully impregnated, having to shit out their newborn, while female doctors should be forced to go mountain biking without a seat.

Darwin would be ashamed and if he existed right now, he’d probably take his own life to prevent witnessing the recoculous moronic actions of this woman. Not only is the reversal of evolutionary tendencies being exploited, the world is being repopulated with defective seeds. I believe he would be in favor of sterilization of the “fittest” or more appropriately labeled “irrational, impoverished and irresponsible sexually active individuals” that give birth to babies that have no form of the essential financial support. If love and support paid the bills, then the divorce rate wouldn’t have the same odds as winning in blackjack.

Until the next Kumate…

For your consideration:
Is a turtle without a shell homeless or naked?