WTFWJCVDD – Edition Twenty-Seven *LATEST*

Animal instincts among wildlife are crucial for their survival. Their ability to hunt, reproduce and protect their young are essential skills to sustain any species. Many of these abilities are innate and have been developed over long periods of time – a mother’s surge of adrenaline to defend her newborn from a predator or a male’s aggressive claim on a mate.

While human beings are advanced in many ways compared to the animal world (we can tell lies and clean up our own poop), we too have fundamental instincts. Sexual prowess and desire are animalistic urges that are usually attributed to men, however there is a rising presence of sexually expressive women that are not concerned with societies judgment of them and their appetites. These mature women usually prey on young, sexually compatible men.

These women, known as cougars, are only one group in the broader existence of salivating women. Pumas, the youngest class of sexually open women are in their late twenties and are just beginning to open up and accept their desires. Panthers are in their thirties and find no shame in going after young men in their late teens or older men into their fifties (they’re not stupid – they know they’ll get great sex or a sugar daddy, it’s a win win).

Cougars are right in the middle, so it’s easy to use this term to include all women. These forty somethings are in a do or die phase in their life. They know their youth, an invaluable trait for a woman, has escaped their grasp and they spin into a fun, pleasure seeking midlife crises. While a man would dye his hair or go buy a sports car, a woman overcomes her hesitations about decisively claiming what she wants. What better way to build up the beaten down self-esteem of a mature woman than to get the attention and satisfaction of desire from a young, option filled man? The beauty of this is that she gets what she wants and he gets to live it up with the “Stifler’s Mom” fantasy.

Leopards are the next group in their fifties. They get this name because of their ever-increasing age spots. There are always exceptions for getting it on with a woman in this class, but as a whole you’re going to have to be in an alter state to consider playing with this jungle cat. Finally the eldest group is the snow leopard. Yes, they not only have full blown age spots but the frosty white hair to top it off. These majestic creatures have a world of experience and may give you the blowey of a lifetime (especially the ones with dentures) but these encounters are usually left untold, unless you spill the beans on a night of drunken openness with your closest boys.

Why bother with these older women you ask? A woman’s youth gives her the right to play games and be obsessively choosey. Additionally, as confident and full of herself as she may seem on the outside, she’s typically equally insecure. These insecurities translate to a less experimental, tamed down sexual experience. What guy wants to do all the work in the missionary position while the girl lies there like a dead fish? An older woman cuts through the BS, is willing to try things she never would have before, and from my experience, plays to her theme song, Rick James’ Superfreak.

These claims are always countered by the exception to the rule but why bother with young difficult chicks now when you can have fun with the cougars and work your way down, as you get older? After all young chicks usually want the older man. Play it smart, you only get one shot boys.

Until the Next Kumate …

For your consideration:
Why is “No.” the abbreviation for number? There isn’t even an o in the word number.