WTFWJCVDD – Edition Twenty-Two

I’ll Wait at Home

If there is one thing that I have never understood it’s peoples extreme desire to arrive at an airport two hours before their flight is supposed to depart. I have never once been on a flight that has left early. On top of that, I can’t think of more than one time out of twenty or thirty flights that the plane has actually taken off on time. Yet everyone has this urgent, panicked rush to make it to the airport early enough to sit and wait for an hour and half, only extending their time spent traveling.

Additionally, the extra time wasted waiting in the airport inevitably makes you hungry or thirsty for a beer. It turns out, a simple 12 oz cup of Miller Lite in the airport costs $9.00. An average keg of Miller Lite costs about $80. A keg has roughly 200 beers at $9 a pop is $1800. So they’re making over twenty times their cost! I blew $80k on a college education and have been working 50+ hours a week for the past two years and this whole time I could have just opened up a bar in an airport and stole money.

On my most recent ticket, it read in fine print, “Make sure to arrive at airport 1hr 30min to 2 hrs prior to flight”. Of course they want you to arrive early, you waste your time, are hungry in the process, and spend a killing on a sandwich. Sounds like a fucking scam to me and I don’t buy it.

Another reason it makes no sense to get to the airport that early is because airports simply aren’t busy enough to require that kind of early commitment. Air travel is down dramatically – the ATA recently reported that domestic flights have decreased 18% in the last 9 months. That’s one reason they are charging people $15 to check their luggage each way. How fucking crazy is that? You pay for a plane ticket to take you to a destination. The plane is already going to the location planned, and has enough room to fit bags that people want to bring with them below the plane. That’s like paying to go skydiving, then having to pay extra for your parachute – they kinda go hand in hand. At $400 a ticket, I think they can take enough money out of there to pay the guys that play ring toss with my luggage without having to make me pay a 10% extra fee to bring clothes with me on my trip.

This whole system is spiraling out of control. I’m willing to bet that in a short time airlines will start charging to use the bathroom. I hope they do because the second that happens, I’ll gladly pay the price and kindly piss on every single inch of that bathroom. If this becomes a reality, I suggest if you spot me on a plane and you need to use the bathroom, you do before I get to it.

Until the next Kumate…

For your consideration:
When people start using flying cars, wouldn’t it make sense to keep your normal car and avoid the traffic?

About this entry

Hello,
Love the site; love the stories, love sex and basketball.
First and foremost I would like to admit that I have a problem. I have a girlfriend who I love very dearly and she feels the same way about me. However, we have very different schedules’ and thus I get completely ass drunk every weekend and drive around like a hooligan after a Manchester United game looking for drugs, alcohol, and sadly more pussy. Sometimes I nock mirrors off of parked cars and laugh, other times I straight up crash into parked cars back up and drive away.
My girlfriend works as a bartender and most night’s she’s working late so instead of sitting there and waiting for her I just go fucking nuts.
An interesting development, last weekend my girlfriend was working the night shift at buffalo wild wings, so one of my coworkers and I decided to get fucking hammered. I work out in Naperville and its ways away from the city so we start drinking at 8pm on Friday at some local watering hole. The night starts out gutsy as immediately as we get to the bar three fat chics attack us by the bar. My coworker is nice and plays it off coolly just sipping his beer. However, after an hour of this nonsense, 8 Jamison shots, 3 shmiticks, I’m starting to feel the power of alcohol. I got up and picked up my beer and poured it all over one of the fat chics, and when I say fat I mean 5’5 250 round puffy face, round puffy stomach, no neck, and just a disgusting apparition of what a woman should look like. We immediately get kicked out of our first bar.
Instead of taking the metra to the city, we take my car, the ride on 94 is fantastic I am weaving in and out of traffic like Jeff Gordon; you know what I could probably drive better than Jeff Gordon at that point. I think my reflexes get better with more alcohol.
We get to the city as we are starting to sober up and we go to our next bar “rocket” there we meet up with two chics who are kinda cute. I immediately down two Jamison’s and two guinesses the chics wanna go so now after a total of 10 shots of jamo and 5 beers I decide to pay the $150 bar tab because at this point even though I make 30k I year I feel much cooler than I am. We go to the next bar, note: we walk there my car is in a garage, I don’t remember the name of the bar because I am so hammered at this point.
We get downstairs and there’s no one there I immediately light up a cigarette and start smoking inside, I tell my coworker its fine I know the manager, 10 minutes later I’m 15 shots deep and 12 beers deep. My girlfriend calls me, I don’t pick up.
We go to the next bar, it’s called mothers I believe on division, I fall down the stairs on the way down to the lower level. I have another two shots of Jamison and three beers. I don’t know where I am or what I’m doing I tell my buddy I’m leaving. My girlfriend texts me I don’t respond. I am stumbling around and some fat chic grabs my ass I turn around and make out with her.
She takes me back to her place and blows me I don’t know what’s happening. I run back to mothers have another 5 shots of jamo to forget.

I take out the stub of where I parked my car give it to the cabby and he takes me there. I stumble out of the car and somehow manage to get my car out of the garage. I am driving I don’t know where I blink BAM I hit a parked car and my car isn’t moving. I get out walk a block get in a cab and wake up in my bed the next morning.

I have a problem, I have a drinking problem.

About

What the fuck is WTFWJCVDD? In its most basic form, it’s a spin off from an old traditional rant that used to be the joy of many people’s week despite being sent out inconsistently. Its overall purpose is to provide a break from the monotony or sameness that occurs is our every day lives. For those of you struggling in life, we hope this editorial brings you hope. For those of you that feel jubilant every day just to be alive, stop spitting it in our fucking faces (we’re the ones that give the money shots).

Who is responsible for this new e-zine? WTFWJCVDD is brought to you by WulfPak Productions. Who are the writers that are a part of WulfPak Productions? The writers of this e-zine wish to have anonymity – they arbitrarily chose this name.

YourBias.com presents WTFWJCVDD

WTFWJCVDD – Edition Twenty-Two

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