WTFWJCVDD – Edition Seventeen

High Stakes Poke(her)

This was a story sent to us by one of our readers. Again, we at WTFWJCVDD appreciate our subscribers input. We cannot be certain that this is true or not embellished, but it’s still a great story. Read with pleasure…

This story is totally unfabricated, and happened to me a while back during winter break of my Jr. year of college. Let’s just say I was a bit more arrogant and bold back then and it definitely had its affect. I’m still carrying around a balloon to this day:

I’m driving down the street pretty fast because I’m trying to get home to take a whiz like nobody’s biz. With my luck, I see police sirens in my rear view mirror. I think to myself great, just great. I pull over and a police officer comes up to my window. As I roll it down I notice it’s a female cop, Officer Valentino, and I smile …

A while back some friends and I were playing poker. We decided to play for something more interesting than just money. A couple of my friend’s moms are MILFs and we all agreed that the winner that evening would have the right to nail one of the other guys’ mom if the opportunity arose. This is a big deal considering we all know how harsh it would be to have a friend mack your mom, just ask Stiffler.

I usually play poorly and get bluffed by my friends until I’m left with no chips, but this night I was channeling Doyle Brunson and I couldn’t be stopped. I have always wanted to get on my friend Josh’s mom and while I never had the chance to, getting his approval – willingly or otherwise – certainly got me a step closer. Somehow that night I pulled off the win and Josh gave me a look like “you’ve got to be kidding me” because he knew his mom now had a bulls eye on her ass. Oh by the way his last name is Valentino, and his mom is a cop.

Back to smiling at Officer Valentino …

She told me I had been going 17 mph over the speed limit and anything over 10 mph she was required to give a ticket. I told her how I was good friends with her son Josh, but she didn’t remember me. I decided I was a decent looking cat and since girls get away with murder using their looks, I’d try to use my gifts to get out of this one too. I asked her if there was any way around this inconvenient guideline and she paused, looked me up and down, smiled and said, “No.”

“Come on Ms. V, I don’t believe that,” I said snidely.

“I’m on duty, it’s Officer Valentino son.”

“I apologize, Officer Valentino,” as I shoot her a grin. “Certainly there are exceptions to the rule.”

“You want special treatment, huh? Are you wasted kid? How about you get out of the car and spread ‘em.” That was easy. I knew she come around. As I got out of the car, she gently turned me around and pressed me up against the doorway and began frisking me.

“I think what you’re looking for is a little lower,” I suggested. She ignored my comment. I liked this domination nonsense. Girls usually do whatever I asked so it was fun to earn it and judging by her demeanor, it was working.

She turned me around and asked what this was all about. I didn’t hesitate. “I think you’re a very attractive woman and I think you share the same feelings about me.”

“This is completely inappropriate behavior and you’ve been warned.”

“Ooooo I’ve been warned (man was I an idiot back then). Well in that case, let me warn you too about what you’re getting yourself into.” At that moment, I made a monumental decision that has still had a grave impact on my life to this day. I straight up pulled out my junk and let it lay across my pants. As I raised my head to look up at Ms. V I saw her send a grin my way. That was it for me. I was so turned on that she liked what she saw that it created a surge of excitement and it all went right to my dong. As I admired my stick straight manhood, something happened so fast that I am still haunted by it today. Officer Valentino (no longer Ms. V), unlatched her baton and swung it with a mighty force as it struck the tip of my mushroom. The sound was like a wiffle ball bat striking a bouncy ball, a thud and slap at the same time.

I have only cried twice in my life (Once when Stephanie Meyers kicked me in the junk when I was in 8th grade and second time was the first time I saw the movie Bloodsport), but I am not ashamed to say I whaaaed like a wailing baby. The pressure of the impact felt like a steam roller had parked right on my knob. Piercing pain overwhelmed my body as I collapsed to the ground with my unit lying in the snow and I honestly blacked out from there.

I got taken into the station and they were going to charge me with indecent exposure and an attempt to bribe a police officer, but Officer Valentino and the chief believed I had suffered enough when they saw the damage. I ended up with a $125 speeding ticket and a serious slap to the cock. The force of the strike to was so powerful it burst every blood vessel in my dick and my tip was swollen to the size of a tennis ball. Most people would think that was awesome, but I assure you getting that thing drained is not. Also, about a month after it occurred, some of the swelling had subsided (though it was still huge) so it looked more natural, but it kind of looked impressive too. I decided to try to use it and that was the second biggest mistake of my life.The pressure felt like a dog’s choke collar was tightened around the head of my dick and the second wave of pain felt like it had tried to run away and someone yanked the chain. I have now cried four times in my life.

A couple of months later, I ran into Officer Valentino at the store. She pulled me aside and said that the truth was, she was attracted to me, but she takes her job seriously and could not allow me to demean her integrity. Seeing her face constantly in my nightmares, I apologized repeatedly and expressed my understanding. She asked if everything had healed, and I lied and said yes. The truth is, my tip is still blown up and still feels pain when pressure is applied. If I weren’t such a cocky kid and had some respect for the law, I wouldn’t have to be concerned about carrying around this curse – a monster mushroom tip that cannot be used.

Until the next Kumate…

For your consideration:
Why do prostitutes brag about how much money they made that night and then ask for cab fare? (so I hear)