WTFWJCVDD – Edition One

The contemplation of a higher being is nothing new to us. A recent poll taken by FOX News (WTFWJCVDD does not believe in biased information and that is why we took this reliable and factual information from FOX News) showed that 92% of Americans believe in God. We didn’t bother to research the opinion of the rest of the world because well, we don’t give a shit about them – God Bless America.

Since one of the writers of WTFWJCVDD believes in God, and the other does not, we decided to try to solve this age-old wonder here and now. We have created a list of real life occurrences and compared them to the likelihood of God’s existence:

The cable went out –> God does not exist

At a company meeting, a very attractive girl leaned over and and suddenly made it apparent that she was not wearing a brazier –> God does exist

Sat down and took a shit, but realized there was no toilet paper –> God does not exist

Went out with a broad and should have gotten whiskey dick, but got it up anyway –> God does exist

Lead a meeting with several people and then went to the bathroom afterwards. Went to unzip and realized it wasn’t necessary – the fly was unzipped the whole time –> God does not  exist

Wiped after took a crap and there was nothing there – it was a dry wipe –> God does exist

During a shower, went to use the loofa and found a pube. You remember your dad used your shower the other day –> God does not exist

Hooked up with a broad from work and the next day everyone’s calling you baby dick. You become a successful rapper by the name of Thumb Boy –> God does exist.

In retrospect, we realized that these experiences don’t mean shit, but we thought it would be fun to reminisce anyway. I guess you’ll have to make up your mind for yourselves, but I’ll assure you of something: If there is a higher being – something greater than us – and that figure did lay out a set of rules for us to obey, I reassure you that it was not against drinking, smoking, and wasting the seed.

Until the next Kumate…

For your consideration:
Whose hilarious idea was it to put an “S” in the word lisp?